Chronique:WWU 25/02/2005

Posted by Frankie at 2/25/2005 2:40 PM PST

Each week, we take time to answer the most commonly asked questions, throw in a few rare ones and generally try to keep the populace from attacking us with pitchforks and shovels. It's a dirty job and guess who has to do it? That's right, me.

Whopper Sandwich says,

Frankie doesn't have the guts to tell us about downloadable content.

I do too have the guts! In fact I'm going to tell you what the maps and timing are right…hey wait a minute. I AM scared. Working for Bungie is like rolling around a marshmallow factory in a cotton wool blankie but with a single frightening caveat. We also work for Microsoft. Here's a list of the things Microsoft is wealthy enough to do to yours truly if I ever step out of line:

• Lure me to Manhattan, and drop a Steinway Piano on my head from the Empire State Building – WHILE Elton John plays the acoustic version of Rocket Man on it.
• Launch a network of three particle beam accelerators into space, then use them to shoot the ground in front of me while I dance, until the heat, fear and exhaustion cause my heart to fail.
• Pay for every single girl in America to leave for Europe - except for Joan and Melissa Rivers.
• Cover me with gold in the Han Solo Carbonite pose, and then dangle me around Shaq's neck as a new piece of Bling.
• Have American Idol's Simon Cowell live in my bathroom and criticize my shower singing every morning until I die.

I can tell you that the downloadable content is rad. Which is weak, I admit. I can also tell you that more than one of the new levels has a tree in it. And I have two favorite maps – one for graphics and one for gameplay.

Hansell asks,

Hey Frankie, it's almost lunch time and I don't see my weekly What's Update or Humpday recap to read while I eat. It is all about me and my schedule you know.

Weird. I had like, five PMs about this today. We never ever put up the update until Friday afternoon, PST – usually like, 4pm. Which is now-ish.

Marv asks,

I keep sending you friend requests and you keep declining them. Why?

My Friends list hovers at about 98 to 99% full at all times, since I have to use it for work. And since I'm at work, I don't have time to accept your request, send a nice message apologizing and then remove you. So here's what I would say if I had time to do it every time:

"I'm sorry, I can't accept your clan or friend request because this is my work Gamertag and my friends list is always full. Maybe I'll see you in matchmaking! I'll be the one who's easy to kill."

Princeofcrunk asks,

Frankie, When your in team slayer and say my team came in first and i had 20 kills another kid had 10, one had 15 and annother had 5, since i had the most kills would my level go up higher because i took first...?

EDITED: In short, no. Your ranking in Team Slayer is based on your performance with your team. It's not as simple as going up or down a level immediately, but basically coming in first on your team on Team Slayer will NOT positively affect your Team game levels. Your team winning WILL.

Maggie asks,

Hey Frankie, what's your personal opinion of cheating, and do you ever get standbyed?

Personally, I think it sucks. I have to say however (as you can see from my level) that it hardly ever happens to me. Most of my experiences are pretty positive and the few times I have seen Standby cheaters, they didn't really seem to know what they were doing. What I do understand though, is that it happens more frequently the higher your level (thanks of course to the fact that cheaters have leveled up so easily).

What aggravates me more than anything else is the why of it all. I go through life trying to avoid hatred, and these clowns thrive on it. The madder the victims are, the more they get out of it. I think the best option at this point is to simply report confirmed cheaters and say nothing to them. Or better yet, say "Good game!" and act like you didn't know anything happened. Then quickly back out (before they start with the moronic mocking/boasting and report them using the feedback system. That ought to flip a few of them out.

The fixes we'll be implementing ought to alleviate things considerably. The fact is that the ones using Standby cheating as a way to increase their rank are the biggest clowns of all. If you are using Standby, your rank is MEANINGLESS BECAUSE YOU SUCK AT THE GAME. Good players don't standby BECAUSE THEY ARE GOOD AT THE GAME. So if you're a standby cheater and you're a level 28, that 28 has a specific meaning to you – it means you are a level 28 moron and nobody likes you. So say that to yourself just once – "I AM A LEVEL 28 MORON AND NOBODY LIKES ME." See if it fits you.

Legitimate players who're at level 28 have awesome skills and are great Halo players. As opposed to LEVEL 28 MORONS/LOSERS. Seriously, if you're a Standby cheater and you're reading this, ask yourself, "What the hell am I doing? Am I an idiot like this angry man is saying?" The answer is yes.

And ask yourself this, "What do people think of me when I do that to them? Do they think I am an l337 rebel?" No they don't. They think you are weak, stupid, and unpopular and that you probably have poor personal hygiene. They also forget about you almost immediately. If that sounds judgmental, that is because OTHER PPEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN YOU.

I wonder what those morons will do when this stuff is no longer an option to them? Maybe they will PRACTICE AND BECOME GOOD AT THE GAME INSTEAD OF SUCKING AT IT BECAUSE THEY ARE MORONS. Anyway, soon they will be someone else's problem.

Oh and I had a few mails from otherwise sensible sounding people who tried it and are worried they can get suspended. YES YOU CAN SO DON'T DO IT. Sheesh. Now I will take a pill.

Qonas says,

Greetings sir,

This epidemic of people who cannot take being in a ranked game just quitting is becoming disgustingly widespread. Every game I have played on Team Skirmish, and about every other game on Team Slayer, ends up with someone on my team leaving and screwing over the rest of us when it comes to winning/rank. Simply placing quitters into last place is not working either as a deterrent or a punishment for this kind of behavior. There needs to be some kind of lock on quitting in ranked games, or heavier punishment on the lines of suspensions. Please DO something other than merely making them last. Obviously these people could care less about dropping a rank so long as they hurt others in the process.

Now this one is tough. The problem is that rampant quitters are not only hard to track, we don't really have the right to punish them very severely. I mean, I sometimes have to go answer the door, or turn the stove off and I'd be pretty mad if Xbox Live canceled my account for it. We do have some systems in place to punish offenders – including rank demotion – but the most effective technique for finding and spotting them is still the Xbox Live feedback system.

For better or worse, people SHOULD have the right to quit a game whenever they like, it would just be nice if they were more thoughtful about it. And let this serve as a reminder for the ignorant – quitting when you're losing actually has a NEGATIVE impact on your rank. A few folks out there stll haven't grasped that fact.

Gary asks,

Did that report on the Sakaguchi/Mistwalker announcement mean that Bungie is working with them on an RPG.

No, we were simply giving props to the Final Fantasy dude. We are all huge RPG nerds here. Especially Shishka, who is changing his name to Lord Xenogears.

Four thousand people ask,

Are you guys going to fix the "Red Team Always Wins Draws" bug?

Yes. 100%

Carnivore asks,

Where was this week's Humpday Challenge?

Our challengers backed out at the last possible second. We couldn't organize anything in time. Plus, with our recent track record, we could use the extra week of practice…

Poolboy23 asks,

y r u the leader
y r always on the front of everything do u work for microsoft or something
if not, u r a loser if u have time to post all of this info

Erm, thanks. Yes I do work for Microsoft. And Bungie. This represents about 80% of the type of mail I have to wade through.

Somebody asked,

The other day while playing I noticed two friends were designated as playing the map "Metropolis", yet when I asked them about this later they said they were playing in Foundation. What gives?

Ask them if they were playing co-op on the Metropolis Campaign level….

xCITOx asks,

Sorry if everyone knows this already, but who are 'the Guardians'? I was in Zanzibar playing CTF, when I drove the Warthog next to a wall to park it and get out. I suddenly died, thinking the rocket guy shot me. When i glanced to see who had killed me it said.."xCITOx was killed by the Guardians". Nobody on the other team was named that, nor was that their clan name. What the heck happened. Could you help me out???? CONFUSED

I am not at liberty to tell you who The Guardians are, but that message appears whenever you are killed by say, being blasted through the side of a building, or plummeting through the floor.

A worried "accidental cheater" asks,

Are you guys still suspending accounts?

Yes. Well, Xbox Live is. We don't suspend anyone's accounts ourselves. If you've been naughty, you'll know about it soon enough.

And finally, Lit asks, Mister Chief is too fancy these days. Can you bust him out old school?