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Yesterday’s a dream

Throughout my ten-year love affair with the franchise, I have attended numerous Halo-related events. On more than one occasion, I hopped on a plane—every single one of which was devoid of maternal-appreciating legless reptiles—and landed in Salt Lake City, where I soaked in the scenery, threw Frisbees off the side of a mountain, and played Halo 2 long into the night. I marked the release of Halo 3 by dyeing my hair blue, paying tribute to my favorite holographic AI while braving my way through the witching hour, just to secure a box that was so large I had to forcibly cram it into the backseat of my car. And one year, while attending PAX, I took a break from bomb-arming and flag-stealing to do the only other thing that was acceptable at the time—serenading Frankie with Barry Manilow’s “Mandy,” substituting his similar enough name in place of the one heard repeatedly in the chorus. Why, you ask? Because he came and he gave without taking. But I sent him away, oh Frankie... Actually, to be quite honest, he walked away on his own. Or ran, if you want to be precise. But who wants to argue semantics? We have more important things to discuss. Like Halo Fest.

For the record, the first time I typed that, it read “Halo Fast.” Probably a Freudian slip on my part because of how quickly the festivities are approaching. What started off as months away is now mere days from happening. We just wrapped up our PAX Prime Badge Giveaway, so you’ll see pictures of the winners scattered amongst the words in this Bulletin. But whether you’ll be at Halo Fest in person or just in spirit, there will be plenty of coverage, both by Halo Waypoint (insert obligatory "Follow us on Twitter!" here) and our official media partner, IGN. So let’s get down to business, shall we?

I’m standing on the edge of time

Halo Fest, the largest and most expansive live Halo experience ever, is taking place alongside PAX Prime August 26th-28th. It will be spread out across the entire third floor of the Washington State Convention Center Annex, transforming 30,000 previously bare square feet into a huge celebration commemorating ten incredible years of Halo. The entrance will be on the street level, and a simple escalator ride will magically transport you directly into this wonderful (ring)world we call Halo.

Happy people pass my way

One of the things I’m most excited about is what you’ll probably see first: my face! Don’t worry, I’m just kidding. I would never wish that upon anybody. To assuage your fears, you should know I was actually talking about the Warthog. Built by Weta, this real-life anti-infantry vehicle is currently making its way from New Zealand to Seattle. And if you’ve looked at a map recently, you know there’s only one way it can get here: by water. That’s right another-word-for-female-dogs-that-I-can’t-use-because-I-like-my-job, that sucker’s on a boat. It’s a good thing, too, because I heard the fully functional variant is quite difficult to drive. While I, and everybody else for that matter, have been banned from getting behind the wheel, I’m holding out hope I can at least hop on the turret. People around these parts seem to think I’m too short for that job, but I’ll show them! As soon as I find a stepstool, that is.

While the non-street legal Warthog is floating its way across the world, plenty of things are already here. Take the entirety of the history wall, for instance. In this nostalgia-inducing section, every Halo title to date will have its own area, complete with box art, detailed information such as release dates and logos, relevant newspaper articles and artifacts, and even a station where you can relive your title-specific memories in all of their original glory. I plan on reenacting my most memorable Halo 2 moment, which involved stealthily crouch-walking from the back of my base all the way to the top of the center structure on Waterworks, just to assassinate an enemy sniper. Feel free to watch if you’re looking for a several-minute-long, action-packed experience!

Speaking of action-packed, there will be numerous hands-on opportunities available to you during the three-day event. Five Halo: Anniversary maps will be awaiting your presence across dozens of stations. That’s right, FIVE Halo: Anniversary maps. Count them with me: one Anniversary map, ah ah ah ah ah! Two Anniversary maps, ah ah ah ah ah! I’d continue, but I’d have to cut and paste that three more times, and I’m entirely too lazy for that. So, moving on.

The upcoming Halo: Reach Title Update will also be playable, should you want to test the altered waters. What won’t be playable, however, is the behind-closed-doors viewing of a not-yet-decided-upon Halo: Anniversary Campaign level. Only a limited number of people will be able to get their eyes on it, and we’ll have more details about what exactly you’ll need to do to be one of those people at the event itself. Hint: it involves saying very nice things about me to my superiors. Just thought you may want to start planning what you’re going to say in advance.

There will also be both skill and fun-based tournaments, should you crave something a little more organized or competitive. From straight up Slayer to recreational racing, there will definitely be something that floats your Spartan’s boat. Prizes for these particular events include everything from Halo: Reach consoles and custom-made helmets to a super old school, not to mention awesome, Duke controller retrofitted to work with the Xbox 360. IGN has the complete tournament line-up, so head over to their Halo Fest hub for the specifics.

While a few of our tournaments are charity-related—which makes sense considering Kari Toyama, founder of the annual Fight Like A Girl Tournament, is the matchmaking mastermind behind all of them—it’s also worth noting the Rooster Teeth Achievement community has created an exclusive Halo Fest achievement challenge. Donate a mere $3 to Child’s Play at the Halo Fest commissary, and try to beat the designated time. Everybody accomplishing that feat will receive a one-year subscription to Rooster Teeth’s premium website and, more importantly, a lifetime’s worth of bragging rights. Zach Wigal, founder and Executive Director of Gamers Outreach, will also be there, trading Gamers Outreach wristbands for game and console donations that support their “Fun for Our Troops” initiative. That’s a whole lot of doin’ good for just one weekend. I’m thinking the karma, if you decide to participate in any of them, will be well worth the meager investment.

We do recognize that you can’t play every second you’re there (primarily because I plan on hogging the majority of the stations), so I do hope you’ll check out some, if not all, of our panel offerings. Our three main panels, which you probably already know about, are Halo: Anniversary, Halo Universe, and Halo 4. But when I heard we’d be hosting other panels as well, I immediately started pitching all my—what I consider to be anyway—brilliant ideas. What I was most excited about was a proposed hour-long block of time where I was going to ditch the spoken word and instead communicate solely through screenshots. Unfortunately it got shot down quicker than my teammates (hey, it’s not my fault they constantly walk into my line of fire), so I’ll just present it now as it appears this is my only window of opportunity.

I must say, it seems like we’ve gotten really good at the whole talking through pictures thing. But alas, my chance to do it in front of an audience has been forever lost. Check out our real panel schedule, should you have an interest in something beyond my hidden-meaning imagery.

Friday, August 26th

HALO: ANNIVERSARY

PEGASUS THEATRE (SHERATON)

10:00AM–11:00AM